Finding nemo

Numb the pain

Numb the pain

Peep through the holes you gave

“Breathe and see that the lord is good”

Ha! 😅 At least he’s not evil like you.

Put on a smile

An act for this jury

Make them nod

Conceal my injury

Then ask for evidence

for why my pain is so intense

When the white disappears

The pain kicks in

You know when you are not in

The body you live in

Just living till the day

Your rent expires

Drowning…dunking

Hiding…hating

Believing…Surrendering

And one day if i’m lucky,

I’ll be resurrecting

But best beleive,

I’m not forgetting

And i’m never regretting

cos i know

Its twisted but

The pain was a blessing

Numb…dumb…lump…trump…succumb

Cave to the hurt

Breathe no more

But death is just a fantasy

Numb and cold in ecstasy

And Death is still a fantasy

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The goodbye verse

Ok…Verse 1: 🎵

…. ….. 🎵 ….

…..🎵 …..

Do not forget this face

or my kiss

And my memories, do not erase

Let them give you endless bliss

….

…..

The man in the mirror

Has to make a change

I sit and stare in horror

I can’t shoot beyond this range

Or I may seem deranged

The oil said to the water

“I don’t fuck with you

….Can’t talk to you later”

She’s as wild as a fox

I see her ass on fire

I’m as tame as sheep

I’ve got – It’s the blood

Plus the whole damn crucifix

I’m the fix …

So tell me .. what’s there to fix?

You got yourself your ideals

This is not my job steve

or my calling

But imma try to save me from falling

…

…

Naked to naked or ashes to ashes

Burn the memories and the dashes

No clause we have no history,

I’m better off with mystery

So now i know

Ever since i came,

I had to go.

This is not my job steve,

or my calling

But he tries to save me from falling

….

We can only be us

Nah ah there is no we

Tu ne se quoi qui?

I’ll purge my heart

Blood on paper .. art!

Wait on this weight

Slow down

Let me meet your pace

… …it’s a damn rat race

Fucking clown in joker town

That’s why i love the bottle

Little thing drowns my sorrow

Cheer up the sun will soon shine

And it will be over tommorow

🔇

Numb

Ending World Hunger

Imagine this caption: ‘World hunger to end by the year 2030’.

Looking at the present state of things, this forecast may seem very far fetched. Although, according to the United Nations, the number of people in the world suffering from hunger has dropped to 795 million since 1990 and there are 216 million fewer people suffering from hunger today than there were 26 years ago; this is not exactly sufficient enough to rest our oars given the billions of people on earth. World hunger is still a concerning topic.

How do we eliminate world hunger by 2030? These are my effective suggestions.
Firstly, Be an advocate. Have a voice in the fight against global hunger. Your voice can make a difference. Show your support on social media and get others engaged.

Secondly, practice sustainable urban farming. Almost one-quarter of malnourished people live in urban areas. Urban farming empowers families and gives them control over their own food source.

Thirdly, Improve access to education.
Education is the best weapon against poverty and hunger. It is especially powerful in underdeveloped countries. Education means better opportunities and improved access to income and food.

In addition, there should be more focus on empowering women. Studies have shown that there is a direct correlation with hunger and gender inequality. Empowering women to gain access to food, be providers, and lead their families has had a major impact on food access and ability to change financial situations.

My final but not the least effective suggestion is birth control education. High birth rates pose a problem when trying to solve hunger. Many people are not educated on reproduction or do not have access to contraceptives. Gaining access to contraceptives allows for family planning and economic freedom.

To conclude, eradicating world hunger is not a farfetched dream. The solution is embedded in community driven development and sustainability as opposed to palliative measures.We can work towards that reality one solution at a time.

No Title

I wish i was tryna play a game

Then i’d pretend i don’t know your name

Or the other day – not to take the blame

I wish i was in it for the gain…Then i’d try to hide my pain

Cos…Whatever pays..(right)..just tryna get laid (right)… tryna get hitched. Nahh…

God’s got this on Home screen …

Its a K.O…Corrine mink. I could sink in that O …

Ohh ….I’m a terrible liar ….

Can’t lie … i dont want more

More time, more love, more smiles

I’m….Just after an encore

Of every moment with you

I loved that picture

My life in 4D starring you

It’s that high…don’t be looking down

Lately your mind’s got a new site

Tryna catch the next flight

And i dont wanna look …

Afraid i might see something’s thats not quite right

– With me…and how i love u so

I’ll get tired of saying that

Like you don’t already know

I know you know that i dont act

You know i said i dont sell junk

Truth is…that’s the truth..no punks

🎵Saving all my love for…🎶🎶…yea.

The whole ice plus the tip …i don’t play nice

It’s been one hell of a wait…

I’m a sinner but at least i’m not late

So you know its RSVP

You got the OTP

This shit is deeper than love

So i know its from above

I wish i could be perfect…act with grace

Not show my lace…My crown hanging…perfect! 😉

Hahaha….You’d see me fall at the door

I should run away…no spotlight…we don’t do runways

I’m just tryna be good even when i can’t find the mood

Through my lens you’ll forever be the sun

Niggas know i got my door on lock

You got the keys if you just say please

Why are you so cold …i can tell from your eyes

They have lost their shine…

It’s not the same when they see me

You’re fading away …i’m tryna sway …make it to bay but

It’s killing me …how do i let go ………

Just sail with the wind…to where tho?

Don’t know how to make you stay

I feel forgettable …even replaceable

Waiting for the words that’ll never come

Just strike the match already

Make an inferno outta this little light

Of mine …

Or a dagger to the heart..

You know originals don’t die!

“Go…don’t go…wait…okay leave..LEAVE”

Sigh…Getting tired of playing pharoah

Lemme….

Feel the pain of a life without you

Feel it…feel it…feel once and for all..

Take my last breath and walk out the door

Pain X 3….You are worth my pain…

If killing me is healing me …so be it

Maybe when i die…i’ll be born again

And And i won’t even remember your name

The Chronicles of Segun and Toonday ( A Tetralogy)

[So I recently came up with two characters ‘segun and toonday’ for a single plot. However, they started to grow on me and I ended up adopting these two for 4 short skit scripts. They are my absolute favourite and I hope you enjoy getting lost in their world as much as I did.☺

Some of the dialogue is written in Nigerian pidgin English]

1. The Wedding Crashers

Scene: Segun’s House

Toonday: ah ah…Whats up Segun…na you be dis?…i bin dey think say u don die reach heaven tey tey

Segun: 😐 …^$&*##%….

Toonday: ah ah…who stole your bread

Segun: Wo see..as I dey here i dey para..

Toonday: say wetin happen

Segun: wo…tori long and i dey preserve energy…I neva chop since morning😖

Toonday: lol…is that all…u get white Agbada?

Segun: ehn ehn…why

Toonday: I’m headed for a wedding at Cole street, wanna come?

Segun: Who do you know there? The bride or the groom

Toonday: None..this is Lagos…we’ll blend in. Besides I thought you said you were hungry. The rice and drinks there, very plenty

Segun: hmm…but sade said she’s coming over with eba…🤔🤔…hmm…

Segun: hmm…eba vs Nigerian jollof rice & chicken…if I’m lucky I go even get dodo join🤤

……..Ring…ring

Segun: Hello…hello… Sade

Sade: hey babe

Segun: No bother with the Food you say you’re bringing…me and and Toonday…we wan rush go somewhere…

Sade: babe but …

Segun: …i say no bother se…if you come you won’t meet me at home o..I will see you next weekend…( cuts phone)

….

Segun: oya Toonday, I’m ready let’s go.

Scene 2: The wedding party reception

Usher: Who are you here for. The bride or the groom?

Toonday: The bride

Segun:😐 The groom

Usher: 😕…Alright if you would follow me please.

(Usher sits Toonday at the back while Segun was placed in the front)

Segun: 😃🤤🤤 I can already scent the jollof…ah…God bless Toonday…my fortune is starting to turn…

(A lady starts to share food. She takes the Food right past Segun and starts to share from the back. Unfortunately the Food doesn’t get to the front)

Segun:😯 Ah ah..ees that how you use to do…everybody knows they start to share food from the front…what ushering school did this one attend😒

Segun: Excuse me…excuse me…psst…

(Usher ignores Segun )

Segun: 😟☹….issokay…you will come back 😧☻

After about 10 mins…

Segun:pschew, Ah…ok..Ees like they are bringing another round o! When they did not tie my legs to the front seat, lemme shift back a little…

(The lady shares drinks and fried chicken but decides to start from the very front this time)

Segun: Err..hello…excuse…err 👦🏾🙋🏾‍♂️🤷🏿‍♂️

Segun: Ah…ah…eleyi o da o…(this is not fair o).

Segun: okay…Segun…you are a sharp guy…think 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Segun: 1st round… back got, you didn’t get. Now drinks, back got…you didn’t get. That back na sure thing💡😃

(Segun moves to the back. The hunger in his stomach worsens… world war z stage now)

Toonday: How far sege. Trust you are filled now.

Segun: 😐😑😑😑 Pschew..filled ko…Philip ni…see I no get your time now…

(The lady approaches again with a massive bowl, this time starting from the back)

Segun: 😃Ah ope o!… it’s my turn at last!😄😅

(The lady approaches Segun and signals to him to pick what’s in the bowl. Glad, with a sense of joy, Segun stretches his hand to pick what was in the bowl)

Segun: 🙎🏽‍♂️😯😳 Ha! Aiye mi temi bami 🙆🏾‍♂️TOOTHPICK? !!!! 😖😵

2. The birthday surprise

Toonday: (So It was my babe’s birthday last month)

Toonday😦 I kept thinking of how much of a lucky man i was to have a girl like her so I planned to give her a big birthday surprise)

Toonday:( when I say big, I’m not talking about assurance now o…or a 450 million naira engagement ring. )

Toonday: (Anyways, I was watching Tv one night when the answer came So I called my guy segun)

Toonday: hey Shegs how far, you know say na my babe birthday soon…and err…I wan surprise her

Segun: oshey…go on

Toonday: you still get that guy number, that one that you said you went to school with?

Segun: Bez? Wetin do am

Toonday : I heard he’s the official Dj for marvin now. Maybe you can talk to him for me?

Segun: ehn ehn why

Toonday: I wan make da fresh prince come surprise my girl for her birthday😌

Segun: 😂😂😂🤣 ….you sure say you no fi call tony tetuila…even Vico go happy to come…for free sef…😂😂😂

Toonday:😑 pschew… Just talk to him so he can connect me to Marvin…

Segun: okay…no vex…anything for you

…..

Toonday: Hello…

Man: Yes, marvin office, Speaking?

Toonday: hi…my name is olatunde Balogun. My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up soon ….err… I would like to surprise her with a private da fresh prince concert 😁

Man: oh okay…that would be N10 million. I will send the account details…so…would you like…

Toonday: Waaaaaaiiit….come again

Man: I said I will send the…

Toonday: No…how much did you say it will cost?

Man: 10 million naira

Toonday: 10 millio…🤔House in Ikotun…ok no…Ikeja like selfcon….new ride….🤔🤔

Man: Hello.. hello…are you still there?

Toonday: …🤔”Iphone 5…no …what am I saying iphone X”…”chai…this na 1 chance🙆🏾‍♂️…which song prince sing don sing lately sef”🤔

Man: Hello…Mr Balogun?

Toonday: ehn…sorry sah…😢you wee nor be unfortunate…😓Can i order for another artiste?

Man: 😒😒😒 …o…kay…Korede bello goes for 25 million, reekado banks 40 mil and tiwa savage…50 million……😑😑…pounds.🙂

Toonday: Aiye mi🙆🏾‍♀️….

Man: What’s your pick…

Man: …….hello…..hello

Toonday: Yes! I’m here…as I’m talking to you now…I have like….lemme see …. N50k in my account.

Man: 😡 Then I’m sorry sir… I can’t help you

Toonday: wait …oga maybe we can arrange something 😁

Five minutes Later…..

( Toonday has entered an agreement to be marvin’s unpaid driver for 6 months.)

Toonday: Thank you sah…I mean ma ..sorry … oga….my gehfriend is going to be overjoyed. 🤡🤠🤧

Scene 2: Toonday ‘s house (The d – day)

Toonday: Happy birthday babe. I have a big surprise for you. 😎

Babe: Really? 😃…ahhhh! 😆😆 ..

Babe: What is it….lemme guess…a porshe…ah no…a private jet! WHERE IS IT…oh babe I love you so much😀😚😄

Toonday:..😐😑🙁😒😓 …Actually bae…issa private da fresh prince concert…as I’m talking to you now he’s outside…

Babe: Chill…fresh prince? Who is …. fresh prince?

Toonday: 😟😣😭😭😭

3. Who will I marry?

Card reader(CR): Read your cards here!…predict your future!…who will you marry? How many children will you born?

Segun: Oya…please predict my love life…so i can know how to avoid these girls with bad luck

CR: The cards cannot lie..but….I must warn you… once you see it in the cards, it cannot be changed

Segun: nothing spoil…my village pipu have done their worst…what could be worse than being jobless

CR: Alright, shall we?

CR: Pick one
CR: Pick Two
CR: Go fish
CR: Stooppp! Bring your hands

( Segun and the card reader hold hands)

CR: There has been too many turning points in your life

CR: but I see a major one coming…hmmmm

CR: I see love ….There a girl….

Segun: which girl…otedola or dangote… or geneveive

CR: Okay….no..it’s a dude…. abi…yup…definitely a dude

Segun: Dude ke?

CR: shhh…I see a connection….very strong one

CR: You are holding hands….walking down the aisle

Segun: 😓

Segun: Is that all…what else do you see?

CR: hmmmm….that’s it…that would be N1500 pls

Segun: Kai.. This is bad..very bad….me and A dude!

Segun: Err…unfortunately…I don’t have cash on me right now

Segun: Can i make a transfer

CR: Yes sure

Segun: And what’s the name of the account

CR: Oh …it’s my name and the name of the company too

Segun: (just tell me…olodo) spell it out for me please

CR: Sure…

CR: B

CR: O

CR: B

CR: R

CR: I

CR: S

CR: K

CR: Y….

CR:…. International. Bobrisky international

Segun: 😓

4. Maga

Scene : The Chatroom

Johnny: Hi my name is Cole. Johnny Cole.

Johnny: So I’ll just go straight to the point. you def got lots of freind requests,a fine lady like you is hard to miss.

Maria: 😊

Johnny: She smiles! I Live in lagos Nigeria but was raised in Wisconsin, USA.

Johnny: I’m a civil engineer, widower and proud father of a Son who’s about to graduate from the University

Maria: Hmm…nice…hey I’m Maria….London business strategist…nice to meet you

Johnny: Your eyes..they are beautiful & so deep… I wish I could see through your eyes and see what you like to see 😍😗

Maria:🤣 Yea…I like to see the truth, and often the truth is more beautiful and greater than people dare to realize

Johnny: You talk in parable´s. I can´t wait to see you☺

Maria: I can’t understand how you can think so dedicated of me, when you have never met me. That scares me.

Johnny: Nah…this is no scare, this is fate.

Johnny: Infact It just so happens that I’m coming to london

Maria: oh really …what for

Johnny: I’m looking for a new place to settle after my retirement. London seems like a perfect spot

Maria: Yea… ..I guess it is

Johnny: and it would give me the opportunity to meet you…there’s just 1 problem tho

Johnny: I fear my son has grown so attached to this place and would not want to move with me

Maria: You don’t say…

Johnny: Yea..Nick…he’s been going for interviews hoping to land a dream job.

Maria: oh thats so sad dear

Johnny: In fact as we speak, I’m on my way to pick him up from his interview…I’ll chat you up when i get back

Maria: Ok then….ttyl

30 mins after….

Johnny: Maria! ….Maria!

Maria: What’s up …is everything ok

Johnny: I’m afraid not Maria. Nick and i have just been in an accident!

Maria: 😰…how bad is it

Johnny: I just sustained head injuries….its Nick I’m worried about…he needs to undergo surgery stat. And the docs says he needs $1k for that.

Johnny: My bank’s taking too long to process the payment. They say it will take 2 to 5 business days….😣

Maria: oh dear…what do you want to do now😓

Johnny: i cant leave Nick… I don’t want my only son to die. I’ll do anything.😣

Maria: oh wow😯

Maria: Johnny, tell the doc to begin the operation immediately….I’m taking the next flight down to Lagos.

Johnny: 😐ehn? Err…that won’t be necessary o…like you Don’t have to go through all that stress na 🙂

Maria: No…you don’t understand, I’m a 65 year old lonely woman who for the first time meets the only age appropriate man that wants to see through my eyes 😀

Johnny: 😟

Maria: it’s just that I would have to explain to my business partner why I’ll be away….🤔

Maria: 🤔hmmm…i’ll need some evidence of the urgency of the matter. Kindly send me pictures of him in the hospital.

Johnny:😦 Honey there’s ..

Maria: chill….in fact…I’m calling up a very good friend of mine right now, he operates a private hospital on the island and he’s really good…

Maria: tell your doc to prepare your son for transfer…

Johnny:😞😓😟

Johnny: 😩You know what. F**k it. My real name is Gbenga ajalenkoko. I hail from abeokuta and I’m 26 years of age…I’m so sorry ma…

Maria: 😌 🤣😂😂.. I know…you think say i be maga abi…dey dere

Maria: Wo…I’m male…my name is Segun…from Egbeda…we dey here together….Johnny ko…Johnbull ni😑😑😑

Only girls Allowed

An original play written by Iseyemi Ayotunde 2018 ©

Missing

ACT I SCENE I

Omolurogbo girls College. Multipurpose hall.

(It’s the annual literary event. The hall is packed full of students, teachers and external spectators. The principal is also there. Mr Salami, the head teacher is anchoring the program)

MR SALAMI: And lastly we would like to call on Miss Tinuola Williams to give her rendition of ‘Nigeria, The Third World wonder’

Audience: 👏👏👏

MR SALAMI: [Scans the crowd, nobody stands up]

MR SALAMI: Err. Miss Tinuola Olaosebikan Williams?

MR SALAMI: 😐😞

Audience: 😕

POLICE OFFICER: [whispers to the principal indistinctly] 😬

PRINCIPAL : 😳

MR SALAMI: 😠 Err…All the residents of dorm 4 please stand up…There has been a murder!😧

•

•

5 days later ….

•

•

ACT I SCENE II

Omolurogbo Yellow house. Dormitory 4

(The girls have just returned from lunch and are settling down for a midday nap. Tinu walks into the dormitory. )

CARO: 😀😃😄 ..welcome back Tinu!

ADA: Whats up Tinu

SADE: Hello Tinu, Are you ok?🙁

TAYO: hmm.. Just passing by 🚶🏾‍♀️

BIBI: So Tinu tell us, how did it go at the police station

TINU: Sigh…I’m just a suspect… apparently we all are

BIBI: Lol…We are all suspects? What exactly did you tell the police?

TINU: The truth. That senior hated J girls (junior girls) and we hated her back🤷🏾‍♀️

ADA: 😃😂🤣

TINU: It’s true now

TINU: I told them that I was at the borehole and the damn water kept coming out in slow trickles when I had like 5 buckets to fill…

TINU: I was number three on the line so you see…It was almost my turn

TINU: All of a sudden here comes senior…

•

•

SCENE III

Flashback. At the borehole.

SENIOR: Hey! J girl!

TINU: Me?

SENIOR: No…not you, YOU J geh in front with the full bucket…pour that water into my pail and carry it along with me

TINU: Haaa😲

J GIRL: 😔Yes senior

TINU: 😠No! Don’t! ..We have been waiting here together. If senior wants water let her join the queue or ask politely

J GIRL: 😢🙆🏾‍♀️🙅🏾‍♀️

J GIRL: [Wo n ma ni koba e o …see ..lemme just pour the water so she can go]

[Senior turns to tinu and says...]

SENIOR: And you are?

TINU: Tinuola Olaosebikan Williams

SENIOR: 😺Bold👏👏… J girl drop the water. YOU Tinu Follow me😼👺😈

•

•

SCENE IV

Omolurogbo Yellow house. Dormitory 4

TINU: And that’s how I ended up spending 6 hours locked up in her locker the day before she was murdered.

TINU: I took the punishment like a boss sha.

ADA: lol…DJango aiye! ✊✊✊

TINU: I couldn’t rehearse my rendition that’s why I was missing the next day.

TINU: I know i hated that senior and I was the last person she punished but….I would never kill anybody😣

BIBI: Hmm… It makes sense now

TINU: bibi…Why are you a suspect? Well apart from the fact that you are an ex convict😅

BIBI: Smh…Personally i hate this school…who creates a school and then says only girls allowed..like who does that…and those wicked seniors, I hope they all rot in hell someday.

SADE: Hmm …. i won’t be surprised if you say you killed her…ogbologbo💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾

BIBI: 😑 I never learn reach you nah…you that stole a whole bag of carrot from the dinning last month

TINU: 🤣😂😂😂 And she couldn’t even theif it well…They still caught her

BIBI: Come what were you planning to do with all that carrot tho…there must have been a 100.

ADA: My own is even how she managed to sneak it past the hall mistress

BIBI: I wasn’t even concerned that you got the flogging of your life on assembly but how… like what…what in God’s name…like are you a rabbit at night?

SADE: 😝

BIBI: As I was saying, i hated senior but I didn’t kill her.

BIBI: I met her for the first time at the dinning. We were on the queue for ogi and ewa goin.

TINU: 😄 queue again?! Personally, l think she has a thing with queues. Just saying
Bibi: She was behind me ..but all of a sudden I saw her sneak in front of me.

•

•

SCENE V

Flashback. The Dining Hall

BIBI: oh no you didn’t 😲😡 Is that not Senior from SS1b

TAYO: SS2b actually, she’s a supposed to be …She repeated

BIBI: (Taps senior on the shoulder)
Excuse Me, excuse me

BIBI: You should be behind me

SENIOR: And you are?

BIBI: Bibitayo Aturu Deji

SENIOR: okay ..Babajide…get back in line

BIBI: No…its Bibitayo Aturu Deji and I think it’s you that needs to get back in line

SENIOR: 😑😠 I’ll put you in line &%#¥$

•

•

Who Killed Senior?

ACT I SCENE VI

Omolurogbo Yellow house. Dormitory 4

BIBI: And that’s how I heard WAI! On my face. The bitch slapped me!

SADE: 😱

BIBI: Trust me now, Warri no dey carry last. I gave her my own back. Tfoi!

BIBI: And a fight broke out!

CARO: 🤦🏾‍♀️🙉

BIBI: The fight was nothing. She had it coming.

BIBI: What pained me most was the casualties.

BIBI: That J girl just wanted to have dinner 😵

BIBI: But she got pushed into the bowl of ogi😨

BIBI: Tiny girl in this massive bowl…her yellow house wear now made it worse

BIBI: People didn’t notice her on time, they just took the opportunity caused by the fight to consume the food even if it had a damn human in it😩

CARO: What of the other seniors?

BIBI: The other seniors were trying to break us off, so they had left the food unattended. 😥😧

TAYO: Yea, I was there… Poor girl, It was like watching a rat drown 😟

BIBI: Anyways, that was it but I swear she had a mark on me since that day.

BIBI: My cutting portion did not just get bigger for no reason.

BIBI: She was behind it. The witch. 😑 …. God rest her soul👼🏾🤐✌

CARO: 😂

ADA: Winnie, you’ve been quiet since, did head teacher’s cane shut your mouth too🤣

WINNIE: Who…Mr Salami? Yen yen yen… I was more afraid for him than for me.

WINNIE: You know how tiny and frail he is. Of all the teachers to call to flog us. 😂 Nigga was using all his strength…he looked like he was about to have a seizure😂

TAYO: lol ….he’s just not used to violence…you know, he’d rather preach to us for hours.😅

ADA:🤣… hmm….So it wasn’t Tinu or Bibi or any one of us on this group, who then killed Senior?🤔🤔🤔

•

•

5 days before…..

•

•

The Night of the Murder

ACT II SCENE I

Omolurogbo Yellow house. Dormitory 4

SENIOR: Yes…go ahead, I don’t feel like going for prep tonight

SENIOR 2: Well .. You know it’s not safe. I heard Mr Man is back

SENIOR: 😂😂😂 Please don’t tell me you believe that nonsense

SENIOR 2: In this school? You had better. Remember the red village?

SENIOR: Never speak of that😑

SENIOR 2: Just saying, three girls got raped last week.

SENIOR: Don’t worry, I just want to Take a little nap, I’ll join you soon

30 mins later…..

(Senior is asleep on the bed, a bunk shifts, the screeching sound wakes her up. A shadow looms nearby. The sight of the shadow sends shivers through her spine)

SENIOR: 😨😨😨 Who’s there? Who .. who..are you?

[SILENCE]

(The shadow draws nearer)
SENIOR: 😦😭😭😭 Please don’t hurt ….

SENIOR: 😱😰😱 Mr Salami?

SENIOR: Mr Salami Nooooooooooo 😖